Surrender Sunday: The Feminized Husband Blog

Is it gay to express like this?

On Sundays I usually have an image that exemplifies Surrendering, but instead of an image I thought it best share a recent post that exemplifies surrendering masculinity and embracing femininity from Kirsten G a Female Led Relationship blogger. 

Kirsten writes in a way that makes me jealous for a number of reasons: she writes beautifully and she is living the lifestyle of a feminized male partner to his wife and boyfriend. Recently she wrote a post that addresses the complex and and touchy subject of homosexuality and feminization. I encourage everyone to follow her and share your thoughts on this as I encourage healthy dialogue.

(Written by Kirsten G: The Feminized Husband Blog on June 29, 2025)

Is It Gay to Live as a Feminized Husband? 

We live in a world where labels often serve as both maps and walls. They help us find each other, understand each other, and build communities — but they can also confine us, misrepresent us, and divide us. This is especially true when it comes to gender, sexuality, and relationships — the most intimate and tender domains of our lives.

The question, "Is it gay to live as a feminized husband?" is not just about semantics. It’s about identity. About freedom. About how we understand love, gender roles, and personal authenticity in a culture that is only beginning to expand its definitions of what these things mean.

As someone who lives fully — joyfully, proudly — as a feminized husband to my wife, I feel compelled to speak directly from my experience. Because the answer is simple, and at the same time, deeply complex.

The Feminine Spirit Within the Male Form

Let’s begin with the heart of it: femininity is not the same thing as homosexuality. Femininity is not a sexual orientation. It’s an essence, a mode of being, an inner truth that can reside in anyone — regardless of gender identity or the bodies we were born into.

For me, femininity is not a costume I wear to spice up my relationship, nor a performance for public or private entertainment. It is who I am. Deeply, spiritually, emotionally. My gestures, my voice, my desires, my way of receiving love, my way of giving it — all arise from the feminine spirit that lives at the center of my being.

Living as a feminized husband, then, is not a contradiction. It is a fulfillment. A coming together of my internal truth and my chosen relational role. I am my wife’s husband — devoted, strong in my loyalty, responsible, constant — and I am her feminine partner, her soft mirror, her receptive lover. We are not a contradiction; we are a harmony.

Love and Desire: Fluid, Not Fixed

Many people, when faced with relationships that fall outside heteronormative templates, ask questions like: "Does that make you gay?" "Bisexual?" "Something else?" These questions are not always malicious. Often they are simply attempts to fit new realities into familiar boxes.

But sexuality is not a filing cabinet.

Sexuality, like gender, like love, like spirit, flows. It’s more like water — it finds its path, shaped by the contours of who we are, by the people we meet, and by how we are received.

In our triadic relationship — between me, my wife, and our boyfriend — I do not experience my attraction to him as a "gay" desire. Not because I am in denial, but because I know what I feel and how I feel it. I love him, yes. I desire him, yes. But I love and desire him as a woman loves a man — through the lens of my feminine spirit.

When he touches me, kisses me, makes love to me — I am not a man being loved by another man. I am a woman in spirit, being adored by her man. The electricity between us is not homoerotic. It is heterofeminine, if such a term could exist. It is gendered not by the bodies we inhabit, but by the energies we carry and the ways we connect.

That is why, in this love, I feel very straight. It’s not a contradiction — it is a testimony to the inadequacy of labels.

On Being a Feminized Husband

To some, the term "feminized husband" may sound like a novelty, a kink, or a submission fantasy. And while there are certainly spaces where femininity in men is sexualized or fetishized, that is not what I live.

For me, being a feminized husband is not a submissive role. It is a sacred, elevated one.

It is an expression of partnership, not power imbalance. My wife does not dominate me — she honors me. She honors the fullness of who I am, including the parts of me that many men are taught to hide: softness, emotionality, intuition, receptivity. And I honor her equally — not as a master, but as a queen. As the strong, masculine force in our union. She is my protector, and I am her sanctuary.

When she touches me, penetrates me, holds me in her strength, I do not feel humiliated or emasculated. I feel seen. I feel honored. I feel loved as a husband should be loved — deeply, intimately, and in a way that aligns with his truest self.

When the Spirit Leads, Gender Follows

So often, society tells us that our bodies dictate who we are and who we may love. If you are born male, you must be masculine. If you are masculine, you must desire femininity. If you deviate from this order, you are transgressive, queer, gay.

But I believe something different. I believe that spirit comes first.

The body is a container — a beautiful, mysterious one — but it is the spirit that gives the body its meaning.

My spirit is feminine. It always has been. As a child, before I understood gender roles or sexual politics, I moved through the world with a softness, an openness, a relational depth that felt more aligned with traditional femininity than masculinity.

But I was never confused. I was never "in the wrong body." I was simply born with a body that did not always match my internal currents. And rather than reject it, I chose to integrate. To allow my feminine spirit to flow through my male form, as a husband, a lover, a partner, and a beloved.

Beyond Labels: Living Truthfully

So, is it gay to live as a feminized husband? Only if you define "gay" in the narrowest, most body-based terms.

If you define gayness as a man being sexually or romantically attracted to another man, and you see both of those men as fixedly masculine — then perhaps. But that is not my experience.

In my reality, my love for our boyfriend is filtered through the lens of my womanly heart. I do not desire him from a masculine position, but from a feminine one. And my love for my wife is equally powerful — I relate to her as her husband, not in spite of my femininity, but because of it.

To me, this is not confusion. This is clarity.

Clarity that love does not conform to binaries. Clarity that desire is not dictated by gender performance. Clarity that the soul knows what it wants, and it will find a way to express itself, even when the world lacks the vocabulary to understand it.

The Courage to Be Whole

Living as a feminized husband requires courage. It means walking through a world that may misunderstand you, mock you, or attempt to redefine you. It means answering questions that others may never have to consider.

But it also means living truthfully. Boldly. Beautifully.

It means letting go of roles that never fit, and embracing a selfhood that feels aligned and whole. It means building relationships not on default expectations, but on authentic connection. It means honoring both your masculinity and your femininity — however they manifest — without shame or apology.

And perhaps most importantly, it means creating a life of your own design. A life where your wife sees and loves you for who you are, not who society says you must be. A life where your love for a man does not negate your straightness, because you love him not as a man, but as his woman. A life where your femininity is not weakness, but power.

Conclusion: Reclaiming Our Truths

So again, we ask: "Is it gay to live as a feminized husband?"

And the answer is: maybe, maybe not. But does it matter?

What matters is how you feel when you are touched, held, kissed. What matters is the truth in your body, the song in your spirit. What matters is the love you give and receive, and the courage you carry as you live that love fully, unapologetically, and joyfully.

We are not here to fit into definitions. We are here to define ourselves. To embody love in the forms it takes for us. To honor the deep truth that our lives are our own, and our identities are more than anyone else’s categories can contain.

Being a feminized husband is not a contradiction. It is a calling. It is not a deviation from masculinity — it is an expansion of what masculinity can hold. It is not a detour from straightness — it is a new, honest form of it.

I am not gay. I am not confused. I am whole.

I am a feminized husband. And this is my truth.

The Feminized Husband Blog

Tuesday Tulips Short Story: A Model Tulip

Tulip Fancy

Sweet feminized Tulip is appreciated in a modeling photo shoot.

Sitting on the bus I wasn't sure about how I felt with the day ahead of me. Monsieur Rabanna had a long chat with my wife at the BBQ. She said he was very pleased with me and wanted to increase my hours. He was having trouble finding girls to play the role he wanted in the shop. Some found it demeaning to act in the old-fashioned way he wanted to make his customers feel special and others just did not have the manners or know how to carry themselves in a subservient way around the client's. He said I was a natural and really wanted me to do some evenings and Saturdays. I liked working in the shop. It was the only job I had done were I felt really on top of things. I didn't like the idea of traveling home in the evenings on my own so I was glad when she refused his request. She said Saturday mornings were my me time. I could go to the salon have my hair done my face and body pampered and chat with the girls. Saturday afternoons she liked me in the stands showing she had the support of her family. The afternoons and evenings she wanted me to concentrate of making our house a home she could come home to and relax after work. It didn't occur to me at the time but my opinion was not sort. Looking back, she was right of course. Who would do the house work. 

      What she did agree to was allowing him to uses me in his promotional material. Today a photographer was coming to take some head shots of me in different hats to use in posters around the shop. I was wearing a peasant blouse that I could pull down my shoulders out of shot when needed. My corset had half cups so my shoulder would be bare. I wore my pearl ear rings and had my neckless in my bag if needed but the hats were the show pieces. 

      I opened up the shop and Monsieur Rabanna came in early with the photographer and stylist. They set up a big white screen and lights in Monsieur Rabanna's salon and then had me sit while they readied the first hat and worked on my face and hair.

     I wasn't prepared for the amount of hair and makeup changes needed. Each hat could be worn in different ways with a different hair style and makeup for each variation. 

The stylist was really nice, but un-nerved me when she said she had been told my secret and while doing a makeup change then asked me how long was it since I transitioned? I immediately coloured up and quietly said I hadn't. "Wow"she said. "Do mean you still have yourrrrr?" I just nodded. "How do you get your skin so soft. You must have very low testosterone production." 

I told her about the morning, afternoon and night skin routines as well as the baths. Kelly emphasized complexion and skin care from the start. Her comments did make me think about how small my little testis had got when I could find them. With them constantly tightly padded and girdled and my pipe tightly ribboned I wondered if that was having side effects. They looked nothing like the men's penises and cannonball Ish testis in the photos my wife shows me when teaching me how to handle them if I should have to. They were all so hairy as well. My wife prefers a little landing strip and my pipe ribbon tied with a dainty bow.

    The hats kept coming as well as the lipstick and hair changes. I was gradually getting more and more comfortable with the posing but felt a fraud when told to pout. It was a long day and I got none of my normal work done or mail orders out. That means there will be twice as much to do tomorrow.

Short Story: Pearl shopping with Tulip

Tulips Fancy

Tulip's Wife's POV: Tulip and his Wife go to the shops for jewelry that would hang lovely on Tulip's lovely neck....sealing his status as Lady of the House. 

(*Décolleté: A low neckline on a woman's dress or top)

As promised one warm summer early evening, I took Tulip to the square in town to look at the jewelry in the boutique shops. I'm not sure it was a promise he hoped I would keep. It was another step-in cementing in his mind that this is a permanent thing. 

This is our life style. I held his hand and walked at a pace that allowed him to keep his elegance while walking in heels. I must say Kelly has done a marvelous job with him. His flirty summer dress complimented his heels. My mother tried to teach me how to walk in heels when I was a girl. It was a disaster. She gave up in the end. I still only wear two-inch heels for important business meetings. To start with we just window shopped, walking around enjoying the evening. After looking in a couple of windows we went inside. The first set he tried on gave me such a thrill I wasn't sure my pants would survive the evening and I hadn't bought any spares with me! 

I had dreamt of this moment since the first time I took him out for coffee. His neck was one of the things that first attracted me to him. It's smoothness and the absences of an Adams apple, just made me think it was begging to be decorated. The other things that attracted me to him were his complete naive incompetence at anything he tried. Making him dependent and susceptible to suggestion. He is also quite a bit smaller than me. Expanding the gap in our physiques is something I have been slowly working on for the last three years. I have him down to sixty kg allowing me to be firmer with him when necessary. He also has a trusting and loving nature.

The first set were a short twin strand of bigger pearls that I thought seemed to lengthen his neck. The truth be known. I just wanted to bury my mouth in his neck and lick the length of it. Controlling myself though I had him try on another set this time with three strands. I liked this set but wished they sat lower on his décolleté. I asked what he thought. He was blushing profusely and just whispered, 

"I can't believe you are really doing this. They are so expensive." 

"A promise, is a promise sweetheart," I said.

I asked the assistant if they could be lengthened. She said they could lengthen the clasp area but it will show when he is wearing his hair up. Or we could order you a set three inches longer. They will sit an inch and a half further down his décolleté.   

Yes, do that I said. I saw him swallow hard. Still blushing and starting to perspire. I think it was sinking in. This is what I always wanted. When I was growing up my mother always told me, 

"To not just look at the boy or the man he is now, but at the man he will grow into." 

I think her advice was spot on. Tulip has grown into exactly the man I wanted. I said to the assistant we will also take the two strands with the matching earrings. That is when Tulips knees went and I had to catch him. The assistant bought over a chair and went to get a glass of water. I had a good year work wise. Business is good. We deserve to enjoy the fruits. While he was sitting down, I had a look though his handbag to see if he had a spare pad. I was in danger of leaking though the outside of my pants. Luckily, he did. The next stop would be the coffee shop to make myself decent. Tulip had some water and settled down while I settled the bill and waited for them to give us a time line on the three strands. 

After some window shopping, we headed back to the jewelry shop. I knew tonight the jewelry would be the only thing Tulip would be wearing while I pound him into the mattress....only this time, I will remember to keep the windows closed.